Pausing In The World To Know How To Live.
"We hurry to work. We hurry through meals. We hurry our children."
We hurry our conversations, our quiet moments until we do not even remember what we were rushing for. I know this because I lived it. The day before my late father passed away, he wanted dim sum. Unusual for him. A small request, really—just a meal, a pause, a moment together.
But we were rushing. I do not remember for what.
We had noodles instead. Quicker. More efficient. I have carried that noodle meal with me ever since. Not as guilt not anymore but as a reminder. A quiet bell that rings whenever I feel the pull to hurry past something that matters. What I Iearned that: Time is not guaranteed. Small requests are often quiet invitations. Rushing is rarely worth what we sacrifice for it. And I learned that showing up—even for the most boring things, even for getting the home dresses for myself and mum that we both love and even for the errands we would rather skip—is a form of love that does not need to be loud to be real. My late dad did not ask for dim sum because he was hungry. He asked because he wanted to be with the family—slowly, joyfully, fully. And though that moment passed, I try to give him what he asked for: by living and making time now, with the people who are still here.
Of Beauty Of Cracks, Age & Quiet Mornings.
"Wabi-Sabi: The Beauty Of Cracks, Age & Quiet Mornings."
On Wabi-sabi (侘寂) is a Japanese worldview that finds beauty in imperfection, impermanence, and incompleteness. Together, they describe a world where nothing is finished, nothing is perfect, and nothing lasts forever—and that is precisely what makes it beautiful.Why It Matters: It Validates The Everyday Treasure & Flea Markets Finds:Your flea-market finds, your parents' "ugly" treasures, your simple cup—they are not lesser. They are more. They carry time, use, and memory. It bridges cultures: While the term is Japanese, the feeling is universal. Chinese scholars celebrated the "unfinished" and the "wild" in their ink paintings. Korean onggi (earthenware) celebrates humble utility. The Zen aesthetic that influenced wabi-sabi came from China via Buddhism. This is a shared language. It lowers the barrier: You don't need expensive or "perfect" items to appreciate beauty. A single wildflower in a simple cup. A worn book. A meal shared on mismatched plates. That is wabi-sabi. It's accessible, not elite. It teaches presence: Wabi-sabi invites you to slow down, notice the small, and accept the fleeting. It is the opposite of scrolling, fast fashion, and disposable culture. It is your grandfather's tea ritual, without a screen. It is: The crack in a teacup that makes it more beautiful, not less. The fading color of an old kimono. The single autumn leaf just floating in a tea bowl. A handmade pot with a slight wobble—proof that human hands touched it. It is the opposite of: Flawless, perfection. Symmetry and polish and the loud.
"I am a Boyish Girl": For My Own Insecurities.
I am a boyish girl. I have my late dad’s jawline and a little of his features at the side. To make it “smaller and more feminine” would mean going under the knife to remove part of my bone—something I am terrified of. My eyes get comments that they are “slit”—narrow and small. It feels worse when I wake up in the morning, feel bored, or feel tired. They look half asleep. My body is naturally tanned. My hair is shorter than most boys’. Sometimes I get mistaken for a “he,” and most people find me very “bro”—a term for “brother” on our sunny island, Singapore. My late grandfather, who used to worry about me, once commented that I should keep my hair long. Oddly, I looked for ready-made hair buns and ordered them, but I’m not sure how to use them. They look like a bird’s nest. However, the moment I style my hair to cover that jawline, I look a little more like a “she.” Then I don’t feel like a boy with lipstick. Or a boy with pearl earrings. My parents always wanted a boy, so I suppose I am the best of both worlds. The beauty standard of highly photoshopped individuals looking perfect and neat sometimes scares me. Do I need to spray myself tanned like orange, sun-kissed skin? Or make myself pale with the latest Korean spray, all the way up to my armpits? My boobs don’t seem perfectly balanced, and I wonder if it’s the same for most people. They don’t look like the round half-oranges you see in push-up ads. I am mostly Maybelline: not born with it. Occasionally, I look at others and notice what I lack—out of curiosity, not so much envy. I’m close to my 40s, yet this insecurity still creeps in. Sometimes it is loud. Sometimes it is not. My headshot needs many takes—a real challenge for most photographers. As a kid, when I played sports, my anxious mum worried that I might hurt the boys. My hair is curly and often needs a trim; otherwise, I don’t know what to do with it. To keep it long, I need to have it straightened at the salon for hours, like a long plane ride. The kids I teach look at K-pop and influencers the way I used to stare at magazine covers. I hope they don’t end up like me, feeling insecure about their bodies. The need for full control. The need to cut their eyelids to feel perfect. The need to fit a certain mould to feel good. There are some who accept who I am, and I am grateful for them. Most of us don’t say, “I like your soul,” and impression counts. My late dad even once asked if I was gay. He had a theory that when women reach a certain age, some hormonal imbalance makes them act strangely—suggesting something I may not be too healthy. My mum suggested that even if I am the case she would accept it though she hopes I give her less of a headache. I have a theory that I am unusual and not following the “norms.” In the end, I think everyone else is taken, and we should just be ourselves.
My Own Journey
"Just A Drop In The Entire Ocean. Imperfect. Still Me."
I moved a lot as a child and as an adult, so I never learned how to keep in touch with people. Being an introvert does not help either. It is not that I do not care. I just never learned the shape of staying. As a child, my childhood was filled with homework. I have had insomnia since secondary two. Sometimes, it snowballed into something like depression. Sleep is not rest for me. It never really was. Sometimes it takes effort to survive the days. I hate that. These days I try to track my sleep. I realised sometimes we sleep more yet the quality of it is average.
Back in school, I was a mentor. I helped others because it made me feel useful but I was the one who actually needed help. I started hurting myself in places no one could see. I have a very small tattoo on my left arm now, covering it. My shirt hides it. On my back, I have another: a prayer of the heart kept in cages. I almost did not graduate despite winning some awards back in school. I spent some time in the counseling office that most of my former classmates did not know even now. I am grateful for that. I was not the best kid. I used to overspent on my late father's while he was overseas and I lived with my sister. He was furious back then. I do not blame him.
After graduation, I got the internship I wanted. I even went where I hoped to go. But I ended up in the hospital anyway due to some sleep issues. Some of my churchmates and closed ones back then helped me through some of it. I am still grateful for that. As a teen, I developed a porn addiction. It started with a project and out of curiosity. But it changes something in you. It turns people into things. And it drifts into places you did not expect. I do not think it is good. It is not a crime, but it is not good and I am thinking to write and do a post tactfully on this for the teens why it is harmful. This ended somewhere during my mid-30s and I am glad it has ended.
In 2015, I once found a website I am not proud of. Nothing much happened or take place but I still remember it. I still carry it. Besides that, there was a time I downloaded a manual I should not have on the many ways to end my own life. It even have details on the outcome of it: a book banned in some places and no longer be found like a limited edition. Partly because I was depressed. Partly because I was curious. I never used it yet I have never forgotten that I had it. I am not the most spiritual person on earth but I feel sorry for two figures from the Bible: Judas and Lucifer. I hope there is a good ending for both. Maybe we need the darkness to know what light is. Judas hanged himself. Lucifer went to hell. I still hope.
I once had a conversation with someone I was dating. We met once. It did not work out. It was my fault. We discussed about things that most would consider too wild. I finally apologize for that. I only hope the best for everyone. A few years ago, my Instagram was hacked. I had proof. It stayed with me longer than I expected—the feeling of someone being inside something that was mine. It is still the same even now. I had a short online course on copyright infringement but sometimes I used to I still own a fake here and there. I used to sell things that had copyright issues and only realised that later and that particular online store was banned and I learned my lesson and no longer do that. I know I always pale in comparison with others but I am still trying.
As a teen, I wore thick makeup because I was deeply insecure about my looks. Natural beauty is rare and the world rewards what it notices. That is why the beauty industry and plastic surgery is so huge. I understand it now. I felt it then. I used to use dating apps. I text and rarely meet but sometimes or most of the time, I do not meet them at all. I guess sometimes I feel nervous and at times I do not. Sometimes I feel both male and female. Not half. Both. Sometimes I am protective. Sometimes I am fragile. I think we need to embrace what lives within. Freud would have agreed though I do not understand his theories fully. Or Carl Jung to embrace the darkness in us to understand the light within too.
I hope all of us know we are imperfect yet human and all our experiences are learning curve that shape us.
A Personal Blog By Becky Cheung
After graduating from Nanyang Polytechnic in 2008, I have had different experiences across industries each one offering valuable lessons. My holiday jobs and jobs in between gave me insights that no business school or internship could fully replicate. I also have had side projects that did not work out as I have hoped but they were part of a journey of steady learning. Today, I run my own humble business. Over the years, it has evolved into a quiet corner for making things that matter and at a sustainable pace. I am currently working on an educational project, finding time to volunteer and teaching at a tuition centre. I also mentor from time to time hoping to remind others that we are imperfect but still deeply loved. Sometimes, I get to meet individuals who are humble yet accomplished across many areas. I know I may pale in comparison to some but I find you all inspiring. I am grateful for those who encourage others to grow and I hope that with time and learning, there will be some form of progress.
Past Mentoring Experience:
People Assocation. Mentor, Mentor To Children. 2007-2009:
People association was formed to achieve two objectives: first, to develop patriotic youth leaders who would serve the community; and second, to create a common national identity through organising and promoting community involvement. Started as an observer and was glad to see how individuals can contribute to grassroots projects that help residents. Spearhead a mentoring group, with the goal of supporting younger peers through both academic assistance and character development. Had the privilege of meeting wonderful volunteers and was invited to grassroots events, including the National Day Rally 2009 and the New Year Party at the Istana in 2009, hosted by the Prime Minister and his cabinet.
BP. Member, Mentor To Students. 2006-2006:
British multinational oil and gas company headquartered in London. The company also focused on corporate social responsibility on mentoring children. In the BP-NYP Mentoring Club, we focus on two core aspects: academic coaching and character development. As mentors, we provide quality academic coaching for the students of Yishun Secondary School through weekly sessions held on Saturday. These sessions are specially catered to enhance their learning process, as well as to motivate them in reaching their true potential. We instill further character development through value-added events and activities, nurturing the youth of today with a pay-it-forward mindset through enriching and engaging projects.
Currently, my focus is in my educational project for now.